chaos in a beautiful room.

not so free afterall.

Like a New Home.

Mom’s always busy with building houses and apartments and what not, and I haven’t been much help.

Well, since I finished cleaning out the garage, I’m gonna drive down to campus and take pictures! 

TATAAAAAH~ ❤

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talking again.

I feel like a blob these days. I’m glad that my ankle is getting better, but it still hurts to stretch. My mom told me to go to the chiropractor tomorrow, so maybe I’ll be able to figure out if I tore something or not.

But in the end, the Doc’s gonna tell me to ice it and not walk on it…

But no matter!

I bought a yoga mat and workout clothes! Gotta do some strength training!

And I’ve been talking again with the boy. Not together, officially, but I’m just happy to be talking again. 

Breathe.

Waking up to the sound of mom bustling about in the kitchen and the gurgling of yummy soup-of-the-day is the best sound in the world.

Too bad Mommy’s can be busy… so it’s quite rare.

But I’m slowly picking myself back up. Slowly. I think. I’m keeping myself busy with odd jobs around the house. I want to work out, but my ankle is still busted. I’ve tried a few stretches though! Hurrah! MAN, I used to be a human pretzel, but now I’m all stiff and tired. Gotta work on dem flexibility!

I miss Giovanni so much. 

When sad, look at something pretty.

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Brighton Beach. It’s beautiful, no?

Feeling very uninspired lately. Like the life is being sucked out of me. 

draw.

I draw better when I’m sad.

And today is a day to be sad. 

I just want the world to swallow me whole. I want to disappear in my covers. I want to hold him so tight. So close to me. 

But I can’t. And I know in my head that this is the right thing to do.. but my heart is broken. 

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brat.

I am so impatient and so stubborn and so condescending.

I still wonder if he loves me. Or if he’s just being nice.

 

Backside of Seoul.

ImageSeoul is a beautiful city, but like all cities, it comes at a dirty price. 

 

headache.

Giovanni left for the states last Tuesday, and I’ve been trying to keep myself busy every since.

But on Saturday night, which is when we usually have our dates, I walked around Hongdae, where we usually go, and had to keep holding back sobs. Which made me sound like I was constantly on the verge of hiccuping. 

Good thing I had my sunglasses on (at night) and a baseball cap, and mega huge headphones. 

Hipster much?

I crawled into a small bar and took out my drawing pad, even though I couldn’t think of what to draw.

And ordered a whiskey on the rocks. 

For some reason, I hate the smell of wine or beer, but whiskey is weirdly comforting.

But now I have a headache. I’m just not cut out to drink. 

I did end up drawing this. 

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It took me and hour to draw this stupid little thing. 

brain dead.

Being constantly surrounded by terrible English speakers has ruined my language. I suck at both Korean and English, and I can’t seem to get out of this rut.

Even my typing is becoming poor. I’m not sure if my verbs, tenses, or word orders are correct at all. I’ve been listening to so many awkward Konglish phrases that they all sound normal to me now.

Which makes me feel stupid.

 

the future is wild.

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I’m always grateful for documentaries posted on Youtube. They’re usually terrible quality, but it still makes my dull life a little more exciting. I’m currently re-watching The Future is Wild, by the Discovery Channel, and MAN! Are they creative or what?

It always inspires me to draw more thing. Imagine, and let my creativity go wild.

One day, I’ll have my own studio of imaginary monster-things.

But for now, I just want to announce…

I have new makeup! I’m starting to play around with eyeshadows and such. I’m not much of an eye makeup person, because I think they can go terribly wrong. But lately, I realized, that it couldn’t hurt to practice a bit, you know? Watching scenes from the 007 movies presses me to try dark, vampy makeup… much like a villain.

I don’t mind, of course… being a villain, that is.

Legendary eye Palette by banila co.